


hold me tight or don't

by vulcanistics



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Teenagers, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-02-07 13:06:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12841800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vulcanistics/pseuds/vulcanistics
Summary: “Seb looks at the calendar on the wall. It's been two weeks since their breakup and Sebastian can't think about Kimi without his chest tightening.”In which, Seb, Kimi and Hanna are teenagers  in a band.





	1. Chapter 1

Sebastian experimentally plays a few chords on his guitar as he waits for Hanna to finish tuning her bass guitar. He’s not entirely sure what Hanna wants to achieve from a practice session without their drummer present.

The drum kit is the most prominent instrument in Sebastian’s basement and while, he doesn’t even want to look at it—it’s hard to look anywhere else, he can’t stare up at the ceiling forever. He imagines Kimi sitting behind the drum kit.

Hanna snaps her fingers in front of his face, “Are you okay?”

Seb shrugs and drums his fingers against his guitar, “Better than I'll ever be.” He wonders if his smile is convincing enough to fool Hanna.

Hanna frowns and adjusts the strap of her bass guitar, “Why did you have to break up with him?”

Seb groans and looks up at the ceiling, he can't believe Hanna would ask him something like that, “I told you already, I didn’t break up with him. He broke up with me, Hanna,” Seb smiles wryly as he looks up at Hanna, “And the worst thing is that, I didn’t even see it coming.”

Sebastian looks down at his leather wristband which Kimi had given him for his seventeenth birthday—Kimi had kissed him for the first time that day.

Hanna makes a pained sound and sits down besides him. Sebastian wants to say that he’s doing fine, that he’s dealing with the breakup well, but that would be a lie. He can’t think about Kimi without wanting to break down into tears. He’s had to hide himself in the school bathroom to make sure nobody sees him crying. Two days after the breakup, he broke down at the dinner table and his family had hugged him and consoled him. His mother had held him as he cried and told him that nobody was worth crying over. He had shaken his head and mumbled that Kimi was worth it. He had cried so much that his voice had been hoarse and strained as he struggled to say Kimi’s name to them. Sebastian hadn't thought he'd come out to his family like that but it had happened and they had held him as he crumbled.

Seb looks at the calendar on the wall. It's been two weeks since their breakup and Sebastian can't think about Kimi without his chest tightening.

Seb rests his head on Hanna’s shoulder, “I don’t even know what I did wrong.”

“Maybe it just ran its course.”

“Maybe I was too much for him, maybe I wasn't good enough, maybe he got tired, I don't know—Hanna, what did I do?”

Hanna sighs and squeezes his hand, “He's a fucking idiot.”

“He's been my best friend since I was eight years old, how do I deal with him not being there? I can't throw away everything that reminds me of him because that's almost ten years of my life. I can't delete him from my life because he means so much to me, but–”

“Sebastian, he hasn't responded to any of your messages.”

He’s not going to cry, “I know.”

“I thought I meant more to him, but clearly I was wrong.” 

Hanna pulls him up as she stands up, “Let’s play shitty pop-punk covers and sing about broken hearts. Fuck Kimi Räikkönen.”

Seb’s chest aches as he laughs and runs his fingers along the strings of his guitar, “We don’t have a rhythm guitarist and now we don’t have a drummer.”

“Why don’t we have a drummer?” Kimi asks from the top of the basement stairs. Seb pales as he watches Kimi walk down the stairs. He hasn’t seen Kimi in two weeks. Hanna nudges him in the side but Seb cannot form the words to speak to his ex-boyfriend. His mind stumbles over the word ‘ex-boyfriend.’

Kimi’s wearing his sunglasses and Sebastian wonders if Kimi’s even looking at him. Hanna seems to realises that Seb’s not going to say anything and steps forward.

“Hello Kimi, we didn’t think you were going to show up.”

“Why?” Kimi asks as he runs his finger along the edge of the crash cymbal. Seb follows the movement of Kimi’s finger and swallows thickly.

Seb cannot look at Kimi. He snaps, “You’re late, we assumed you forgot about us. Now can we please just fucking play something.” Sebastian knows he sounds like a petulant child, but Kimi doesn’t say anything to him, doesn’t even look at him. Seb wants to remove Kimi’s sunglasses and throw them away and punch his chest and kiss him and—Seb curls his hand into a fist, Kimi broke up with him.

Hanna looks from Seb to Kimi and shakes her head, “No. I’m not practicing until you two talk to each other. I’m going upstairs to eat ice-cream. Call me once you’ve figured your shit out.”

Seb wants to protest and grab Hanna and make her stay, but Hanna shoots him a warning glare and stalks up the stairs. Kimi’s fiddling with his drumsticks. Seb sits down on the worn-out couch. He doesn’t want to talk to his ex-boyfriend.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Silly, messy teenagers trying to come to terms with a break-up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So apparently, I'm only motivated to write when I have exams coming up lmao.

 

He watches Kimi remove his sunglasses and wonders which one of them is going to break first. Kimi sits behind his drums, silent and solid, and doesn’t look at Sebastian. Seb swallows thickly and counts numbers in his head. He’s not going to cry, not in front of Kimi, not when Kimi is so close to him, not when he’s trying to be okay. He knows Hanna means well, knows that she wants him to be okay, but he can’t talk to Kimi.

He cannot be in the same room as Kimi. Seb makes a move to stand up and Kimi stiffens behind his drum kit. Kimi breaks first.

“Why did you think I wasn’t going to show up for band practice?” Kimi asks, haltingly. Seb can see Kimi’s fingers curled tightly around his drumsticks. Seb wants to walk away and ignore Kimi’s question, but he doesn’t want to be that petty. He could repeat the lie he’d told earlier, he could tell Kimi that he thought he wasn’t coming because he was late, but Kimi would know he was lying. Kimi always knew when he was lying.

“Because we fucking broke up, that’s why.” His own voice sounds grating to his ears. He is angry and hurt and exhausted.

Kimi sighs, “That was two weeks ago, Seb.” Sebastian chokes back a disbelieving snort.

“I’m sorry I’m not over you, okay? I’m not going to be over you for a long fucking time.”

Kimi’s eyes widen and he opens his mouth but Seb can’t let him talk, not yet, not now, not when he can feel his tumultuous emotions in his throat. He curls his hands into fists, “You broke up with me and said that we weren’t working out. It’s been two weeks and I still can’t figure out what I did wrong. I thought we were happy, I thought we were going to last, I thought you loved me. I don’t understand what I did. Why would you suddenly break up with me? We didn’t even make it to our one-year anniversary. I’m bitter and angry and pretty fucking devastated, so don’t just waltz in here and think that I’m going to be okay.”

Sebastian’s shoulders tremble and he can feel the tears in his eyes. Fuck. He takes a deep breath and stares at Kimi, “Why did you break up with me?”

Kimi shakes his head slightly. His voice is quiet, “We weren’t going anywhere. Our relationship. It wasn’t going to work out.”

Sebastian gapes at Kimi, “So because you thought we weren’t going to work out, you broke up with me? What the fuck, Kimi? That’s bullshit. Fucking hell, Kimi, you were the one for me.”

Kimi stands up suddenly and strides towards Sebastian. “You’re still young. You don’t know that.” Kimi crowds into his personal space and Seb takes a step back.

He doesn’t want to be so close to Kimi. Kimi frowns at Seb, “You’re still my best friend.”

Sebastian laughs, he can’t help it, “No, I’m not. I can’t be your best friend, not now, not when I’m probably always going to love you.”

Kimi swears quietly under his breath. Seb thinks of Hanna, sitting upstairs in his kitchen, hoping that he and Kimi would resolve their tension. He looks at Kimi, he remembers the first time Kimi kissed him, the way Kimi had looked so nervous and shy. He remembers being fifteen and realising he was in love with his best friend. He remembers attending Kimi’s graduation ceremony. He remembers watching Kimi work at the car repair shop. He remembers how Kimi broke up with him in a cafe. He looks at Kimi and it breaks his heart.

“Fuck you for thinking that we wouldn’t last. Fuck you for not trying. I can barely stand to be in the same room as you because it hurts too much. Remember when you used to be worried about hurting me. Yeah well, congratulations.”

Seb makes a move to turn away from Kimi but Kimi reaches out and grabs at his hand, “Seb, I’m sorry, okay? But you deserve someone better than me.”

Seb feels the tears start to run down his face. He reaches out and gently touches Kimi’s face, “You were the best for me.”

Seb pulls his hand away from Kimi’s and tries to smile, “Please leave. I don’t really want to talk to you.”

“Seb—” “Don’t, Kimi, just please leave.”

Kimi stares at him sadly before nodding his head. Sebastian doesn’t watch Kimi walk away. He waits till he hears the door close behind Kimi. He allows himself to cry properly.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How does one centre an image?

**Author's Note:**

> — Why do I have so many WIPs?  
> — Please comment and leave kudos :D  
> — Thanks for reading!


End file.
